How to talk to an engineer who may be burning out

Your job in this conversation

You aren't there to diagnose anyone. "I think you're burned out" is a conclusion, and it can sound like a judgment about performance. Your job is smaller and more useful: describe what you've noticed, ask, listen and do something about the part you control.

That last part matters more than the wording. In Gallup's research, the factors most tied to burnout include unmanageable workload, lack of role clarity, unreasonable time pressure and lack of communication and support from a manager. Several of these are within your reach.

Before you start

• Pick a private setting. Use a one-on-one, and not right after an incident or a tough review.
• Bring specifics. Think of two or three things you've actually seen, rather than a general impression.
• Decide what you can offer. Know what you can move before you ask: scope, deadlines, on-call shifts, time off.
• Check your own support options. Know what your company's mental health benefit or EAP offers and how to reach it.

How to open it

Lead with what you've observed, and make clear it isn't a performance conversation. For example:

"This isn't about your performance. I've noticed you've been on three of the last four incident calls, and you've been quieter in planning than you usually are. How are you doing, really?"

Then stop talking. Engineers often need a moment, and a first answer of "I'm fine" is normal. You can leave the door open:

"Okay. If that changes, I'd like to know. And either way, I'd like to look at your load, because it's been a lot."

Questions that help

• "What's taking the most out of you at the moment?"
• "If you could drop one thing for the next month, what would it be?"
• "Is there anything I'm doing that makes this harder?"
• "What would make next week better than this one?"

What to avoid

• "You just need a vacation." Rest helps, but the same job will be waiting afterward.
• "Everyone's under pressure right now." It may be true, but it closes the conversation.
• "We all went through this." Your experience isn't theirs. Save it unless they ask.
• Pressing for details. You don't need health information to adjust someone's workload, and it isn't yours to ask for.
• Promising what you can't deliver. A broken commitment here does more damage than saying nothing.

What to do afterward

1. Change one concrete thing within a week. Take something off their plate, swap an on-call shift or push a date. Then say that you did it.
2. Make it safe to take time off, and make sure someone else really covers the work so it isn't waiting on their return.
3. Point to support, without pushing. "Our benefit includes confidential counseling, in case that's ever useful" is enough.
4. Follow up. Check back in two weeks, and keep it low-key.
5. Look for the pattern. If one person is struggling, ask who else is carrying the same load.

When to bring in someone else

If you're worried about someone's safety, this stops being a management conversation. Ask directly, stay with them and connect them to help. In the US, they can call or text 988 at any time. Elsewhere, use local emergency services. Bring in your People team too, and follow your company's process.

Seeing it across your team? A group session can give everyone shared language for this and take some of the stigma out of it. See how our workshops work.